Omg, I miss you. So much. Can’t believe you’re married with a baby, and now in the NAVY! Way to go! You’ve always been unbelievably amazing but you are such an awesome person. Thank you for being such a good friend.
I’m skipping day 8 because I don’t really have an “Internet friend”…
Day 9 someone I’d like to
It’s always seemed weird referring to you as that, I mean, you are… My father, but never having met you… It’s kinda strange using such an affection term for you. When I was a little girl I would dream about what you might look like, how your voice would sound, and what kind of food you liked. For the longest time I would dream about meeting you for the first time, and how once I did you’d love me so much you’d take me to live with you and my sisters, which I also hadn’t met yet. When I was about 9 or 10 years old I was staying with my great grandma, I had just gotten out of the shower and I remember being wrapped in one of her orange and yellow towels that had to be far, far older than I was. I had gone into the spare bedroom, which doubled for m own bedroom, and shut the door behind me. “Samantha…” my great grandma called out, “yeah?”, “You never really wanted to meet your dad right?… You don’t care about him at all do you?” Now this may seem strange for some people, but I had been conditioned by my grandmother to hate you. You knocked her baby up, my mom was 18 when she got pregnant, and you were older… And married. So in her eyes, you were the devil. I knew what to say, I yelled back, “No why?”, There was a pause, then… “because he died.” I remember feeling my chest grow heavy, then I felt my mouth start to shake, the tears fell out of my eyes, and i sat on the bed and cried quietly into my pillow. I had always thought that one day we get a chance to meet each other. I spent a lot of years trying to pretend I didn’t care, but i did so much. Back in 06 when I was 17, I went to Lodi with some friends, there was a girl in line with dark brown hair, a round face, and was about my height, I remembered my grandmother always telling me that Lodi is where you had moved your wife and two daughters after my mom had had me. I started wondering If maybe that girl could be my sister, I knew how random and crazy that is, I mean I knew she wasn’t, but she could have been. Driving home that night I called my mom asked her the names and ages of your two oldest daughters. When I got home I used myspace and I typed in Alicia Dyer, I looked at the page, her pictures, her about me, and then I looked through her blog, and I found something she had written about missing you on thanksgiving. I started to write an email to her a hundred times before I actually did. I finally just decided to write something along the lines of, hi, I think you’re my sister, sorry if your not. The rest is really all history, I met them a few weeks later, and now they have totally changed my life. I don’t want to sound stuck up, but you’re a very lucky man, you have 3 beautiful, smart, and strong daughters. I wish you could be here with us, to see us, to laugh with us, to watch us keep growing up. I love you, not because I know you, not because you’re my father, but because you gave me so such without even knowing it. Thank you.
PS, thanks for not letting my mom name me Rehia, I mean it, thank you for pushing for Samantha, I think it suits me well.
A couple of years ago I had a horrible day at work, my boyfriend at the time was being a douche(story of my life.) and I was just having an all around bad day. I got in the freeway headed home to Fairfield and I put John Mayer on. I cried. I cried the whole way to the bridge, and when I say cry, I mean I sobbed. I honestly don’t know how I managed to drive. I remember trying to control my breathing while singing along and sobbing. I got to the toll booth and I had to wait for 2-3 cars in front of me, when I got to the window and stuck my 4 dollars out for the toll booth attendant she just kind of gave a half smile and said, “The person in front of you paid your toll, they asked me to tell you to smile and have a good day.”. I said thank you and finished driving home, I didn’t cry any more after that. I didn’t even see your face, I can’t even remember what color car you had, but you made my day so much better. You really stand out in my mind. Thank you.
The girl who cries to almost every John Mayer song.
Dear first ex boyfriend,
Where to start a letter to you? We grew up together. You were my first kiss, and I’m pretty sure I was your first… We were always on and off, hot and cold. I wish I could tell you how many people at the old church we went to always told me that you and I were ‘meant to be’. We were student leaders, we were involved in everything at the church together. Everything you signed up for, I signed up for, every bus ride you’d sit next to me, and every bus ride home, you’d hold my hand. Once you started driving you’d always pick me up for church, and once I started driving, you usually still would. You would say things like, “I think this is what god wants for us.” and I’d nod, I thought for sure if you thought this is what ‘God’ wanted you’d stay with me. You fell into this awful pattern of courting me for weeks, then dropping me like a bad habit. I’d always end up in the girls bathroom crying to whoever would listen, but everyone knew we’d eventually be back together. You were the only boy close to my age that ever held my attention for any amount of time. When I was 17 we accidentally ended up going to the movies with some friends after a year if not talking, we ended up kissing in your car that night in front of my house. We started taking late night trips to the sonic burger that was an hour away, and we shortly there after began dating again. We both agrees this time was different, we were “grown ups”. About a month into us dating for the 5th or 6th time, things were great until, something bad happened to me. It wasn’t my fault, it was out of my control, and I thought, no, I knew, that you would understand, you’d be there for me, you’d help me heal from it, and you’d love me still.we were sitting in your car when I told you, I remember the look on your face when the hot tears filled my eyes, you bit your bottom lip took a few deep breaths looked around, learned over me and opened the passenger side door, “get out”. I couldn’t believe it. I asked why, and you told me that being with someone “like that” wasn’t an option for him, that you were going to be a pastor and you couldn’t be with someone who did have a weak relationship with god like I did. I tried to tell you that my relationship with god had nothing to do with what happened, and what did you mean? A person like that? Like what? A woman? Someone who was weaker than the opposite sex? Someone who cried and fought the whole time? I got out of you car, and watched drive away. I stopped going to church. I stopped praying. I stopped believing. I didn’t stop any of those things solely based on what you did, it was only the straw that broke the camels back.
I kinda fucked up and forgot about this, but it’s the 5th so I’ll catch up right now!
Day 4- sibling.
All three of you.
I love you, incredible amounts. I couldn’t imagine my life with you.
Alicia and Mandy, you have honestly changed my life in the best of ways, being your long lost sister is best thing I could have ever asked for. You both make me feel like I belong. Having never met our dad was a strange and difficult thing I had dealt with for years, but having met the two of you, makes me feel a little bit closer and better about it all. It’s amazing to have two beautiful, strong, and amazing sisters like you.
Savanna, I think that it’s safe to say I’m your favorite sister:). I love you,our panda trips, movie ice cream nights, and all the secrets we have together. Thanks for being the best little sister I could ever ask for. I know that the past few years have been difficult, when I was 16 and you were 11, we were both kids, going through awkward teenage stages, but now you are still a teenager and I’m struggling with trying to be a responsible adult. I can’t wait to be 26 and you be 21, it’ll be completely different and awesome. But until then, I’ll still work hard at being the best big sister I can be.
Day 5- my dreams.
Hold on, I’m still coming, just running a little late!
You have changed so much since we first met. At first my dream was to work for the FBI hunting down serial kills, think silence of the lambs, then I wanted to be a teacher, then I wanted to be in the military, and now my biggest dream is paying my car loan offer. It’s kinda funny how drastically dreams change as you grow up. I mean how can my dreams go from some huge career, to a simple task. It’s strange. But don’t worry dreams, I’m catching up.